Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
