I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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