i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Still dying that you shit outside
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
