Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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