just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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