I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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