i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
