Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
