I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
