went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
