he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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