You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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