I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is wine microwaveable?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
