if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
