Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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