drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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