The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
