hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
