We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
