I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
