i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
