how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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