my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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