Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
