did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
