Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
