Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
