i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
