i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
