I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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