I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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