At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
