i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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