Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize