He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
