U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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