She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this just has baby written all over it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
