it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
