I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize