I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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Those nachos came to me in a dream
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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