No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
