I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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