there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
