now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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