Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
