3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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