Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
