oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
