Will you blow on my dice?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize