census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
