the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
