there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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