why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
