I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
