just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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