i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
