I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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