We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
