Duck Duck Cougar?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you had me at cake vodka
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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