Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
