i think my mom watched the whole time
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
