is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
