You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
