I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
