I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
