and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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