i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize