get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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