her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
