he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
